I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize