Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
