its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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