the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize