You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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