I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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