totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
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