Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
