idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
