it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize