Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
