My liver just broke up with me...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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