I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
