New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
