Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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