Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
