I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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