Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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