why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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