I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
