Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
