i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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