im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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