Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
