just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
