Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
