I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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