my phone needs a breathalizer
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
