So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
