: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
