"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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