i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
