He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
