why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
