We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
