Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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