Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
