I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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