Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
