I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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