dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are two peas in an std pod
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize