In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
