I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
