My sheets look like a crime scene.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
