considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize