don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
