why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
