I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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