uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
