I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
