Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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