I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
