Sry I called you an 8
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize