Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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