Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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