How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
