Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He better not be in your backpack
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
