So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
