does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize