And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
