Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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