You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
